I want it all
by burn my mind
Summary: "You're mine, loser. You always have been." Alison has been in hiding, not rotting underneath soil. She's back at home in Rosewood and she wants Toby back. Alison\Toby\Spencer. Multi-Chapter.
1. Prolouge

**Title: **I want it all.

**Summary: **"You're mine, loser. You always have been." Alison has been in hiding, not rotting underneath soil. She's back at home in Rosewood and she wants Toby back. Alison\Toby\Spencer. Multi-Chapter.

**Authors Note: **The scene between Toby and Alison in the new episode ( season four, episode one ] inspired this. I plan for it to be a multi chapter. This chapter will basically focus on Alison returning and will include (maybe) a flashback with Alison\Toby. I promise a Spoby endgame.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

She was never one for being scared, for being weak.

But she got everything striped away from her that night.

A shovel hit her over the head, buried alive, with only a hand to grab onto for support.

And all she can think about is how she's going to miss Toby.

And the girls.

And maybe Ian.

And maybe her brother Jason.

She's going to die. She's going to cease to exist, her secrets are going to be buried with her.

And she can't breathe, can't think straight, her vision is cloudy, is blurry.

Her scream is muffled by _something_. Maybe the dirt?

She's supposed to be asleep at a sleepover with her four best friends.

Not this, not being murdered.

She wakes up the next morning inside some tacky motel room that looks eerily similar to the one they used in _Physco. _

"Where am I?" It's the first thing that flows out of her lips and she sounds so vulnerable.

Alison DiLaurentis is not vulnerable. She's just _not_.

"Be quiet!" A voice whispers sharply. Alison's lips turn downwards in a frown, she lets out a small huff but obeys the orders. It's better than being dead unless this is a twisted version of Heaven (unless she's gone to Hell, which is likely.)

"Look, you have to stay hidden until it's safe." The same voice states, a figure emerging from beyond the shadows.

"Until it's safe? When will that be?" Her voice laced with sarcasm as she rolls her eyes and sits up straight in the bed that she's been dumped onto.

"I don't know. All I do know is that it's not safe for you, somebody wants you dead. Somebody thinks they've killed you and that's the way it's going to stay." The voice orders and Alison would die to know who the voice was. It sounded familiar, it sounded almost like _her_. She pauses, registering everything that has just been said. She's going to have to play dead, like a dog or a rat or possum or something.

"Who are you?" She asks after a beat, the voice sighs and steps forward from the shadows. And it's _her_, staring back at her. The same eyes, the same hair, the same chin, the same face structure, the same ears. It's all _her_. Is this some cruel joke? Some bad nightmare? Is this Hell? Is she really dead?

Before she can even open her mouth, her mirror is starting to explain.

"We're twins. They gave me up for adoption or something, don't ask why. I don't know, trust me I've tried to figure out why. Maybe it's because I'm mental?" Her twin suggest, an eyebrow raised and wickedness laced throughout her voice.

"I'm Courtney." Her twin states, stepping closer, thrusting out her hand. Alison looks at the hand with disgust, before placing her own inside of it and shaking it firmly.

"Alison."

"I think this might be the start of a _beautiful _friendship." And there's something about Courtney that she doesn't trust. Something is off about her and she'll do anything to find out.

* * *

"Wait, so you have a twin?" Hanna asks dumbfounded. Alison's fingers tap against the granite counter top in Hanna's kitchen, a small smile being placed upon her lips.

"Yes. Now you have to catch me up on _everything_. I don't know what's happened to any of you since I've been _dead_," She rolled her eyes on the last word and rested her head in her hands.

"I came out," Emily says proudly. Alison's eyes widen with surprise.

"Good for you, Em." She congratulates, she turns to Hanna, appraising her figure. _She had really lost some weight_, it was cruel and she had already mentioned it but it was true. She had shed her baby fat and she looked _great_.

"Well as you can tell I've lost weight," Hanna gestures towards her body, "And I have a boyfriend!" She gushes rather excitedly. Alison claps her hands together, jumps out of her chair and runs over to give Hanna a small hug.

"Who is he? Someone I know? Is he _delectable?_" It's just like old times, nothing's changed yet everything has.

"God, we're all in relationships." Aria states, rolling her eyes slightly. "Or we all were." She corrects softly, eyes downcast toward the floor.

"_All_." Alison repeats, a small squealing emitting out of her mouth.

"Tell. Me. Everything!" She squeals.

Spencer thinks it's best if they start with the A team.

They tell her everything.

The blackmail.

The lies.

The horror.

They leave out their secrets.

"And then my boyfriend was revealed to be apart of the team-" Spencer starts.

"Your boyfriend?" Alison asks incredulously, interrupting her. She had thought Spencer was having an affair with Melissa's boyfriend or fling but Spencer having her _own_ boyfriend?

"Yes. But he was doing it to protect us. We all know you hate him but he really is good. Toby did it-"

Alison's heart stops.

It literally freezes.

Spencer can't be dating _her _Toby.

And Toby, her Toby, can't be dating Spencer.

"Please tell me you don't mean Toby as in Toby Cavanaugh." Alison sneers, her every word laced in the utter most disgust to hide her heartbreak. Spencer's phone starts ringing, she swipes it off of the table, takes one look at it and then prepares to leave.

"Oh, is that your boyfriend? Your previously thought to be dead best friend rocks back in town but you choose to spend your time with him instead?" Alison asks, fury racking through her body.

At the fact Spencer's leaving.

At the fact Spencer stole her boyfriend.

At Spencer, little miss perfect.

"You haven't been around for a _long _time Ali and even when you were you weren't the funniest person to be around. So forgive me if I want to hang out with someone who's nice for a change." And with that Spencer storms out.

The silence envelops them.

Alison can hear every little sound.

The tick of the clock, the shuffle of Emily's foot, Hanna's breathing -

"I dated my teacher," Aria admits in an effort to break the silence.

Alison rolls her eyes and glares at all of them before storming out of the house.

She was meant to be re-connecting with her friends, not finding out that they had all been so much better without her.

* * *

**AUGUST 1ST 2OO9**

* * *

"Alison." Toby coldly greets as she waltzes into his room, shutting the door behind her quietly.

"Is someone not feeling their best today?" Alison pouts, her voice full of fake concern. She flops onto the bed next to him, her blonde curls spread around her head like a halo. Her feet dangle off the edge of the bed.

"You should leave," It was her fault he was in here after all.

"I asked you once and I'll ask you again. Stop sending those damn messages Toby, it isn't nice."

"It's not me Alison!" Toby exclaims, standing up. He shakes his head at her.

"Why would I do something like that? How would I do something like that?" Alison lies quietly on his bed, not breathing, not making a sound. She's still, silent, frozen.

"I loved you once Toby," She says quietly, it's almost a whisper. He almost doesn't hear.

He chooses to ignore it because he loved her once as well.

If only for a brief time.

If only because she was _Alison DiLaurentis_.

"Go." He states, his head facing towards the door. He doesn't want to look at her, can't look at her.

"Fine. I'll leave," And then she's out of his room and out of his life.

He comes home just before she dies.

Jenna lets him go the day she dies.

Alison finds out about him and Jenna the day she dies.

(She finds out about how Jenna used Toby.)

And he hates this.

This complicated mess he's been dragged in to.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"Toby?" Spencer calls out as she steps inside of his apartment, shutting the door behind her.

She drops her set of keys onto a table and wanders over to the couch.

"Hey," A soft voice from behind her says. Spencer turns her head around to see Toby, a small grin etches itself onto her face. He walks over towards her and her arms intertwine themselves around his neck. His lips press against hers softly, she pulls away reluctantly.

"Do you have any coffee?" She asks, a laugh erupts from out of his mouth as he turns towards the kitchen. She follows him into the kitchen, dumping her purse on the table.

"Have you heard about Alison?" She asks, she's not sure if it had made the news yet. He shakes his head, turning around to face her.

"She's _alive_." She states, stressing the word alive.

And it's like a bomb goes off.

The cup of coffee that once was in Toby's hand smashes to the floor, shatters all around him.

And Alison's _alive_.

And it changes everything.

Because Alison has things on him he doesn't want Spencer _ever _finding out.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_This is stupid. The fact I have to write down all my deeper most inner secretive thoughts? I'm back. That's all that matters and I'm ready to play. Turns out Spencer is dating Toby. The girls always wanted what she can't have, when will she ever learn? Toby's mine, always has been and always will be. I have so much to tell you, I have a twin sister. She's helped me through this whole ordeal. I'm going to tell you everything, you're going to be who I trust most. Even if this is stupid but mark my words: **I'm going to destroy that bitch**._

_Alison._

* * *

**A\N: I lost around three hours worth of work on this and an hour of work on something else. This is short because it's like a prolouge, not my best writing seeing as I had lost everything and I was so proud of what I had written prior to losing it. Ugh. Reviews are much appreciated!  
**


	2. One

**Title: **-

**Summary: **-

**Authors Note: **Thank you so much for the feedback! *squeals* I expect the few next chapters to be short and mostly drama revolving around Alison\Courtney and who's body it actually was. I'm expecting a lot of Toby\Alison to be one-sided, like Alison was his crush for a little while but he hates her now but like Alison one sided, so she's in love with him. I'm sorry for date errors, etc, and timeline errors. I usually check it all out but sometimes mistakes are made, (a lot of the time).

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

* * *

It's lights, camera, action.

Snap.

Snap.

Snap.

What can you tell us, miss?

Where were you?

What happened to you Alison?

Snap.

Snap.

Snap.

* * *

"Nervous for your first day back at school?" Aria asks Alison, taking books out of her locker. The two of them had decided to arrive at school early, Alison shrugs as she looks around the halls.

"Why would I be?" She asks, her eyes narrow in on Spencer as she approaches the two of them. Hanna's close behind her, with _Mona _behind her. From what Alison could remember Hanna and Mona had become BFF's and then Mona turned out to be this 'A' figure.

"Alison, you're back." Those are the first words that slip out of Mona's mouth, a certain coldness etched into the words. Alison decides not to trust her, after all she's heard and from what she can see, she looks like bad news.

(But Alison doesn't trust _anyone_. Never has, never really will.)

"Do you know what must be great about having a twin, you two could like switch places. You wouldn't even need to go to school!" Hanna gushes, her mind wandering off to places where she could have someone take her spot and she could relax.

Alison sighed, if only it was that simple. Her sister could deal with all the reporter's questions, the girl seemed to know more than Alison and then her eyes land on some devastatingly handsome _teacher_. He looks like a teacher at least, her eyes flick back to Aria whose own eyes are trained on him.

"Is your secret boyfriend?" She says in a hushed voice. A light blush creeps over Aria's cheeks as she slams her locker door shut and shakes her head, her midnight black hair swashing around her face.

"No." She states, "But he was." She corrects, eyes trained on the floor, on her shoes.

Anywhere but at _him_.

Or _Mona_.

Or _Alison. _

"Alison, I didn't know you would come back today?" Emily questions as she meets up with everyone in front of Aria's locker, her hand intertwined with Paige's. Alison is so _close _to losing it.

Spencer is with Toby.

Aria got to date a teacher.

And Emily is with _pigskin_?

Did she teach these girls nothing?

(She's proud of Aria but jealous too, it's something she would do. A teacher. She wants to do _that _teacher but Aria's still pinning over him, so she'll have to wait.)

"You're with Paige? I'm gone for two years and then you all just go for whoever is single? Uh, desperate much?" Alison sneers, she rakes a hand through her hair and then _sashays _over to History.

"She's still the same bitch she was before she left, isn't she?" Hanna asks, voice quiet, eyes following her former blonde best friend.

"Yeah. She is." Emily agrees, her lips turned downwards in a frown. She holds onto Paige's hand tighter.

"Do you think she'll ever change?" Aria asks, she wants to know, needs to know.

Because Alison had just come back from the _dead_.

But her life, it was slightly better without her.

Even with this whole A drama.

Alison always manages to bring drama of her own, where ever she goes.

* * *

**SEPTEMBER 1OTH 2OO9**

* * *

"Will I ever be able to get out of this house?" Alison complains, stretching her legs forward and arching her shoulders backwards, letting the small amount of light that is slivering in via the curtains, onto her face.

"No." Courtney sharply replies, rummaging through drawers. Alison sighs but decides not to question it, there's something bigger than _her_.

She doesn't really want to get involved in that sort of mess.

Alison flicks the T.V. on, only to see her face staring back up at her.

Smiling, she looks happy. It's always been her favorite photo, Toby had said she had looked pretty in it.

She thought she looked like a goddess.

"I wonder if I'm missed yet," Alison muses, threading her fingers through her hair. Courtney sneers, flipping around to face her.

"Of course you're missed Alison. You're _Alison DiLaurentis_."

"Do I get like a phone call or something?" Alison asks after a few minutes.

"This isn't jail but I guess so," Courtney says wearily, throwing a phone in Alison's general direction. Her fingers press down on the buttons dialing Toby's number. It lands on voice mail.

"Toby, I'm sorry. Something's going on and I won't be back for a little while. I love you, don't forget that," She takes in a deep breath because she's never said _those _words before. She was just his crush, she was just obsessed with him. "Don't let, don't let Jenna get to you anymore." And then the beep goes and she has to say goodbye forever.

"Boyfriend?" Courtney asks curiously, falling onto the bed beside her sister. Alison's lip twist into a wry smile.

"Something like that," Alison brushes it off.

What did Toby and her have?

It wasn't a relationship, that much she knew.

She loves him. That's all she really knows and he doesn't love her back, not really. They had kissed, _once, twice, three, four, five _times (and always acted as if they hadn't.) and he had claimed that he had had a crush on her forever.

She had at first laughed it off because who _wasn't _in love with her, who _didn't _have a crush on her?

But she slowly found herself falling in love with him, every second she had spent with him.

And that was dangerous, so she blinded his step sister and let him take the blame.

"Can you tell me about why somebody wants to kill me?" And the laugh that escaped out of Courtney's mouth after the words had flowed out of Alison's mouth sent shivers down Alison's spine, there was something off about her twin sister. She would figure it out, she would _die _trying too.

She had after all been close to death before. It would be no problem, no biggie.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"Hi, I'm Alison." A hand is thrust out towards Caleb who takes it in his own cautiously, he had heard stories about her, about how much she damaged Hanna. He shook it softly, never taking his eyes off of her. He has this feeling, one he can't explain, that she's up too no good. That maybe she has something to do with the A team but he would keep all these thoughts to himself. Hanna was happy to have her back, that was the main thing.

"Caleb. I've heard quite a lot about you," He says wearily, letting his hand drop from out of hers. She leans in towards him, her breath on his ear.

"Good or bad?" She breathes into his ear, he pulls back slightly. Catching Hanna's eye from across the room. Alison had crossed a line.

"A bit of both." He states, his voice cold and unforgiving.

He decides that he hates Alison.

She had put Hanna through hell and back.

("Don't eat that, Hanna. You're already fat enough." Hanna places the cupcake back on the rack and turns towards Alison, she forces a smile on her face. It's alright, stay calm, she's right. Alison's always right when it comes to her weight, she walks over to the fridge and takes out a bottle of water instead.)

Hanna takes the seat next to Caleb, smiling brightly at Alison.

"So I see you've meet Caleb," She tries to keep the malice out of her voice. She could see from one simple look Caleb had spared Alison that he didn't trust her, she didn't blame him. She didn't trust Alison either. Spencer and Emily arrive at the table that the three of them are seated at, Mona hot on their heels. Mona slips her phone on the middle of the table, a text staring back up at their faces.

**You aren't safe just because Alison's back. **

**Kisses -A!**

Attached to the text is a video, the same video of Hanna running Wilden over. Hanna lets out a groan and grabs Mona's phone, throwing it on the ground. She watches it shatter into tiny little shards, Mona's jaw now lies on the floor, her eyes staring at the phone with horror. Hanna turns around to Mona and shrugs her shoulders.

"What? Do you want my mum to go to jail?" She asks in a hushed whisper. Mona shakes her head before sitting down, no, she loves Ashley and she doesn't want Hanna to have to deal with the aftermath of her mother in jail.

"I think we should all gather around at my house, tonight. Everyone." Spencer states, "Emily I think you should bring Paige. She's just as much apart of this as everyone else." Emily nods her head, her eyes searching the sea of people for her girlfriend. She assumes that Caleb and Toby will also be present tonight.

Alison decides to keep her mouth shut about Paige.

She has a feeling Toby will be included in this gathering, she's going to see Toby for the first time in two years. Her stomach is alive with butterflies, wings flapping wildly and making her feel dizzy.


	3. Two

**Title: **I want it all.

**Summary: **-

**Authors Note: ***hugs you all* Thank you! I apologize for the lack of spoby at the moment and the huge amount of Alison but I can't skip straight into Alison\Toby\Spencer without explaining everything first and there are mysterious involved with this. Follow me at: daaisybuchanan on twitter for snippets, my updates will become less frequent. (or just check it out if your feeling curious, I might of posted something to do with this because otherwise my annoying updates about my feels and life will annoy you.)

**Disclaimer: **I own nada.

* * *

**11TH OF NOVEMBER 2OO9**

* * *

"Are you going to tell me anything?" Alison asks, her words are laced with poison and something Courtney detects as fear.

Courtney _smirks_ as she slides her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. She watches Alison, who is curled up in a ball on her bed. She feels almost sorry for the poor girl until she remembers what the bitch had done to her, had taken away from her.

"What do you want to know?" Courtney asks innocently, a bat of her eyelashes, a swish of her hair. She's perfected the art of being Alison DiLaurentis.

"Why does someone want to kill me? Why did someone try to kill me? _Who _tried to kill me?" Alison asks without hesitation, her voice rising with each question. She sits up, eyes full of rage, full of fury.

"One question at a time," Courtney breathes, flicking the T.V. off and pulling a chair up beside her twin sisters bed. She taps the bottom of her chin with her fingers, thinking over all the answers she could give to the questions.

"Start with who," Alison barks.

"Melissa Hastings." Courtney replies, she watches as Alison frowns, racks her brain as to why her best friend's sister would want to kill her. Before Alison can even open her mouth to ask why, Courtney is spilling out the details.

"You're having an affair with her boyfriend, she envies you and she's not exactly the most sane person on the planet." Courtney reveals.

Silence takes over, enveloping the room.

"When can I get out of here?" Alison asks quietly after some time has passed. Courtney shrugs her shoulders and stands up stretching her limbs which have become stiff.

"Who knows?"

You know, Alison thinks silently, but for someone reason you aren't telling me.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

Her heart is racing, beating faster than it ever has before, she can see him, can feel him.

She's so close to having him back.

Her fingers have knotted themselves in his hair, her lips are pressed against his, her hands are sliding underneath his shirt.

She has him. He's her. She's his.

It's the way it's meant to be, the two of them _belong _together.

Forever and always. Always and forever.

"I love you," He breathes.

Oh, how she's longed to hear those words flow out of his mouth.

"I love you more." She states as she attaches their lips together once again.

She's always loved him, from the moment she had first laid eyes on him.

She remembers that day as clear as crystals are.

("I'm Alison," Five years old and she's the only one who isn't afraid of the cooties that boys hold. The boy in front of her grins at her shyly. "I'm Toby." He's the cutest boy she's ever seen, he's cuter than Jason's friends. "Do you wanna play with me?" She asks, her hand gesturing to the set of swings and the slides behind her. He nods his head as he follows her towards the swings.)

And then her eyes are fluttering open and reality is setting in.

It's just a dream, one where her imagination was allowed to run wild and where she was tricked into believing that she can always get what she wants. She looks at the time on her phone and groans, she was meant to be at Spencer's half an hour ago. Her feet land on her bedroom floor with a soft thud and she quickly slips a pair of boots onto her feet and then runs off to Spencer's house.

Emily had mentioned in passing that Toby was going to be there.

_Everyone _was going to be there, Aria had corrected.

Because everyone included Alison and Mona, it included Caleb and Toby and Paige, it included the girls.

Alison wasn't apart of the latter group anymore, her name had been separated when she was being spoken about.

Her fingers curl into a fist as she knocks on the front door lightly.

To her surprise it's Toby who answers, a frown set on his face.

The first thing she thinks is that he's changed.

The second thing she thinks is that she probably looks like a love struck fool.

The third thing she thinks is that he looks less than happy to see her.

"Great! You finally made it," She hears Spencer's voice from inside, the blonde steps inside, pushing past Toby.

And Alison, she doesn't miss the hint of venom in Spencer's voice.

* * *

"Ali, we need to know what happened while you were playing dead." Aria states, it's not even a question. There's no "Will you tell us?", it's a "You have to tell us."

She hasn't really been able to tear her eyes away from Spencer and Toby all night, the two of them have been sitting side by side, hands intertwined and smiles on their faces.

"I already told you everything," Alison replies nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders as she raises an apple to her lips and takes a bite out of it.

"If there's anything you left out, we have to know about it." Hanna states firmly, arms crossed against her chest, eyebrow cocked in the air.

Hanna had changed.

And not just physically.

They all had because the only one who would of ever dreamed of standing about to Alison was Spencer.

"I didn't leave anything out," It's too silent for her liking and her eyes have betrayed her once again.

(She made a promise not to look at Toby. Not to look at Spencer. Not to look at Toby and Spencer _together_.)

She wants to know when she got this weak, she decides that she doesn't really want to know. She doesn't want to think about being weak and her name in the same sentence.

"What does this 'A' person have on all of you anyway?" Alison asks curiously, she leans forward, eager for the next bit of gossip.

"Because telling another person would be a smart idea," It's the first time Paige had spoken since Alison had arrived. The blonde directs her attention to her, pigskin wants to voice her thoughts huh?

"Who's to say you aren't apart of this _team_," Alison sneers, her eyes quickly darting over to Mona and then landing on Toby before settling back on Paige. "It seems that everyone here has someone they care about on this little 'A' team and you're close with Emily right? She is after all your _girlfriend_." Alison states, leaning back proudly, she lets her body sink into the cushions.

"That's enough." Spencer snaps quietly, she rises up out of her seat and shoots Alison a pointed look.

"You've been gone and while you were gone, we've all been put through hell. We need your help because A seems to have a slight obsession with you. Didn't you receive A's messages before any of us? So stop being a bitch and help us." Spencer orders, the brunette falls back down onto the couch, her eyes never leaving Alison.

"Well it would help if I knew what 'A' has on you," Alison points out with a small roll of her eyes.

"We don't know what she has on us Alison!" Hanna exclaims, shaking her head. A could have anything on them, real or fake.

"That's helpful," Alison comments dryly. "But, I really don't have anything that could help." She adds after a second, her voice softer. She wants to help, she really does. That bitch had destroyed her from the inside out when she was still "alive." or still in Rosewood.

"I think I know who else could be on the team," Mona says, breaking the heavy silence that had engulfed the room. She pulls her laptop from out of her bag, she had managed to get a few of her files back after she had watched them vanish before her eyes.

"I was recruited after your death Alison. I don't know who I was working for, I just knew that she was in charge and that she _hated _you. I recruited Lucas and Toby and," She pauses, eyes dropping to the floor, her upper row of teeth sinking into her lower lip softly. "Ezra."

A bomb goes off with the last name.

Chaos erupts.

All hell breaks loose.

And everything burns to the ground.

"What?" The words escape from Aria's mouth, tears build in her eyes as she jumps up.

"You're lying!" Aria exclaims, shaking her head, refusing to believe the truth. Mona looks guiltily at the ground.

"I'm not; I wanted to tell you sooner but," She trails off, trying to find confidence within her somewhere. She had withheld the last piece of information due to the fact that she didn't want to get thrown out of the group. Hanna and her were starting to rebuild their friendship, not fake shopping trips but an actual friendship. "I didn't want you to get hurt and I didn't want to lose Hanna." The first part is only half a lie, even though she detested the girls with everything she had, she didn't want them to get hurt. Not again, she had come to liking them slightly these past months. They weren't like what she thought they were.

Aria falls quiet, the tears pouring down her face. Spencer's hugging her within minutes, leading her up to her room.

"I guess your girlfriend knows what it feels like to have their significant other betray them," Alison quips. Hanna and Emily shoot Alison a glare before running up to Spencer's room to console Aria. The four of them didn't all believe Mona but they also had a feeling that she wasn't lying either.

And then without another word Alison is walking up the stairs to Spencer's bedroom. She doesn't even know why, she barely knows anything about this _Ezra_. But she does know four things.

One, Aria is one of her best friends.

Two, Aria loves Ezra.

Three, this information has crushed Aria's soul.

Four, just because Aria and her aren't close (not anymore, you can't really be close with anyone once you've come back from the dead.) doesn't mean she can't be there for her.

But,

Alison's never been good at being there for people. Being good at snide comments and blackmail? Check, but being there for someone? Supporting them? Making them feel better? She's _awful_ at it.

But.

She can try. She can try and be better.

* * *

She waltzes straight into the room only to see Aria curled up in a ball on Spencer's bed, crying her eyes out. With Spencer, Hanna and Emily all consoling her. Alison's hardly ever felt out of place but she feels out of place right in this moment. She had been gone for more than _two years_. She never imagined that she would of been gone for so long when she had agreed to stay undercover. She had missed out on so much and if she had just stayed in Rosewood she could of prevented so much.

Like Toby falling in love with Spencer.

Like Spencer falling in love with Toby.

She's so ready to walk out of the door but she reminds herself that she has to be better. So she takes a step forward, towards Aria and strokes her hair lightly.

"It'll be alright. That bitch Mona is probably lying to you," She mumbles, trying to find the right words in her mind to make Aria feel better. This was new territory for Alison. New territory made her weak. She decides that she doesn't like new territory, she likes familiarity.

"But," Aria chokes, a small hiccup escaping out of her baby pink coated lips, "what if she isn't? It's possible, she could of blackmailed him. He could of," more tears escape from Aria's eyes and she hastily wipes them away, "he could of joined. He could of been _hurting_ me."

"Aria, he could of also been trying to protect you." Spencer states softly, brushing her friend's hair back.

"And Alison's right, Mona could be lying." Emily offers, it wouldn't be the first time, she thinks bitterly.

"Guys, I don't think Mona's lying," Emily shoots a small glare at her, "What?" She replies clueless. Her eyes fall on Aria's curled body and her eyes go soft and her mouth falls into a frown.

"I'm sorry," She mumbles.

And everything is different.

(Because they've all grown closer without her.)

Alison walks forward towards Aria nervously but she doesn't show it, she looks all confidence.

"You can't mope forever. Aren't the two of you not together?" Alison asks, cocking an eyebrow. Because, she can't ever let go of her bitch face. That would open up rumors and whispers about her being _weak_. Aria wipes tears away from her face with the back of her sleeve, looking at Alison through wet eyelashes.

"How have I only just noticed what an insensitive bitch you are?" Aria snaps.

The whole world freezes.

Because _nobody _(not even Spencer) had talked to Alison that way.

Alison recoils as if she has been slapped on the face, or buried alive.

Which has, you know, happened.

And the blonde runs as fast as she can out of the house, where she's met with a mob of reporters.

Even at this hour.

She rushes up to her own room and buries herself underneath the covers because Aria's word had stung.

* * *

Spencer lightly creeps down the stairs and into her kitchen long after everyone has gone home and just after Aria has fallen asleep. She smiles at Toby, surprised that he had still stayed. He jumps up and follows her to the fridge, she pulls out a drink bottle full of water and brings it to her lips. She takes a small sip before placing it on the counter.

She wraps her arms around Toby's neck and presses her lips gently against his.

And it's bliss.

And it's contentment.

And it's happiness.

(Because through all odds they had made it out alive.)

"I love you, you know." Toby whispers, guilt lacing his every word.

Something that Spencer notices, and chooses to ignore.

Because it's probably just him feeling guilty about everything that he had put them through.

With his whole A debacle.

And with the sudden news of Ezra.

It would of brought back bad memories, right?

And so she re-attaches her lips to his.

Refusing to let go.

"I love you," She whispers back as she comes up for air.

There's a faint outline of a smile on his lips and a ghost of a smile on hers.

"I should go home." He states, pulling away from her.

"Stay." She orders, tugging on the end of his sleeve.

And he wants to stay.

He would give anything to stay.

But Aria is asleep upstairs.

And his run in with Alison has made him feel queasy.

And Spencer has school tomorrow.

And he feels _so _guilty.

(For everything. For A and for his unknown, hidden, troubled past with Alison.)

And so he leaves, parting with a crushing hug and searing kiss.

* * *

**A\N: Sorry, everything has been moving sort of fast, hasn't it? There's about a weeks difference between the first and second chapter (or prolouge and first chapter i guess). Uh, these are really easy to write. So quick updates, I guess? They'll be less frequent as time goes on. **


	4. Three

**Title: **I want it all.

**Summary: **-

**Authors Note: **Can I just like hug all of you and wrap you up in a little bundle and carry you everywhere? I love you all, thanks so much. Uh, apart from Spoby, I ship Jaria, Hannily and Haleb so they'll probably be featured in this story. I've realized this is more of an Alison\mystery story at the moment than anything else, oops. I also really want Ezra to be A, so I'll be covering a lot of that.

**Disclaimer: **We don't have a spin off show with just spoby so I don't own Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

It burns.

It burns.

It _burns_.

But she has to work through the pain.

She has to keep on fighting.

She claws at her face and digs her fingernails into her skin.

And it burns.

It _burns_.

Flames are all around her but the one thing that matters is destroying this bitch once and for all.

She'll _die_.

Alison will make sure of it.

Her hands wring around the other girls neck, her fingers dig at the skin of her throat.

"I hate you," Alison whispers, each word laced with venom.

And Alison's hand connects with the girls face.

Her knuckles come back blue.

She kicks her feet into the kneecaps of the other girl.

And it hurts.

But,

She has to fight through it.

She pulls at the blonde hair, tears hard enough to have it come flying out.

And the girl in front of her is a sobbing, screaming mess.

And she loves it.

She loves seeing the other girl in pain.

In misery.

Alison's torn her apart.

Reduced her to tears.

And all Alison can do is smile.

And push through.

Because it burns.

It burns.

It burns.

It _burns_.

* * *

Spencer awakes with a start, her eyes flash wide open and she's struggling to breath. Her eyes float over to where Aria is asleep and she lets out a soft sigh of relief. Her friend hasn't been abducted, or stolen, or horrifically murdered. Neither had Alison.

_Alison_. She had been her, seen through her eyes, she had-

"You awake Spence?" Aria's voice whispers through the darkness. Spencer nods her head before flicking on the lamp next to her bed, locking her thoughts into a deep part of her mind never to be awaken again, no matter how much she would want to solve this new mystery.

Aria's curled up like a kitten on the far side of Spencer's bed.

Spencer's heart breaks.

Because this was her once.

Except she knew for a fact that her boyfriend (or in Aria's case _ex_-boyfriend.) had betrayed her.

She remembers the feeling.

Like the world was crashing down upon you, your legs buckling underneath you, the whole world stopping around you.

"Spence, I love you." Aria says suddenly, the words laced with bravery and fear and sadness and hope all mingled into one.

And Spencer, she can feel her heart breaking for Aria.

"I love you too, Aria." She replies, a smile taking over her face. "And it does get better, you don't even know if what Mona said was true. She could be lying-"

"She's not." Aria snaps suddenly, "She just, look, I now that she's right. It doesn't mean Ezra's evil, why would he even join the team? But he could of been blackmailed. He has Malcolm now."

Spencer's arms wrap around Aria's small frame, her lips pressing against the side of her forehead.

"First thing tomorrow we'll confront him about it, how does that sound?" Spencer suggest but even as the words leave her mouth she knows it's not what Aria wants. The smaller girl can barely choke out a no before going into a fresh batch of sobs.

And even though Spencer feels for her friend, she's also a little fed up.

Because she hasn't caught her boyfriend betraying her on their anniversary.

Because she hasn't found her ex-boyfriend, previously mentioned one, dead in the woods.

Because she hasn't been through half the things Spencer has.

But she shuts her lips and holds one of her best friends tight as her friend's body is wracked with sobs.

"C'mon Aria, calm down, ssh."

But the small brunette doesn't even hear Spencer.

The latter rubs soothing circles on the former's back and whispers encouraging nothings into the warm night air.

And it does no good because before things get better they go off, with a bomb.

* * *

"Toby," Alison breathes out in surprise as he barges into her bedroom.

And she notices a second to late that she doesn't sound like _Alison_.

"Whatever sick crush you had on me, whatever may of transpired between us is over. Got it?"

And she reminds herself not to fall weak at the knees, she smirks as she slowly nods her head and flicks hair behind her shoulder.

"Please, as if I would still be into _you_," She replies, bitterness laced through her words.

(And it's because she's hurt not because she wants to hurt him.)

"Good." He replies, his voice softer than before.

And then he's flying out of the door, as fast as his legs will take him.

And Alison's falling back onto her bed with a thud.

She had forgotten how _difficult _life could be and she had missed out on more than two years of it.

She curses the day she was born.

She curses the day Melissa Hastings was born.

She curses the day she died.

She curses the day she fell in love with Toby.

She curses the day she became _weak_.

Her fingers curl into a fist and she bangs her hand down onto her duvet. Her eyes flutter close, eyelashes resting against her cheek.

"Hey Ali," Jason's voice greets her as he steps into her room. There's nervousness laced through his voice, he's all too careful around her. Memories of thinking he had _killed _her still plague his mind.

And he honestly doesn't know how to act around his dead-now-alive sister. Has he mentioned that the previously mentioned sister had told him that she had a twin sister? Did the lies and secrets ever stop in this family?

"Hey," She replies weakly, the walls she had built around herself falling down even further.

Crashing, burning and the armor falls.

"What was Toby doing here?" Jason asks softly, coming to sit on the bed next to his sister. He never thought he would have this chance again, Alison and he weren't close but he now had a chance to repair things.

The mere mention of his name is enough to send her into a frenzy of bitchiness, with tears forming in her eyes that she quickly blinks away she shoots her brother a scowl.

"God, stop being so annoying!" She exclaims in an outburst of anger, arms crossed over her chest, smirk in place on her lips. Jason retreats, he had forgotten what Alison was like.

"I'm sorry," He squeaks out, she shoots him a glare before gesturing towards the door. He jumps up at the chance, he's out of her room within seconds, shutting the door behind him. She flops back down onto her bed covering her eyes with her hands. She doesn't even know _why _she likes Toby, why she _loves_ Toby. She just knows that she would do anything for him, that she's never felt this way about anybody before.

It's a feeling she hates.

It's a feeling she detests.

It's a feeling she loathes.

And she's usually been able to hide it, to put on a mask and fake it.

But, she isn't herself.

These past two years have had her reaching her breaking point, she's snapping, she's coming undone, she's losing it, she's becoming _weak_.

She moves back up into a sitting position and then she's quietly walking across her floorboards and over to her door, she locks it before turning back around and diving into a treasure chest hidden underneath her bed. She pulls out the treasure chest, it's gold with intricate detailing all over the sides. For the past two years it's been where she's hidden everything, she pulls out her diary and lays it out in front of her.

She picks up a pen from inside the treasure chest, one Courtney had gifted upon her, her hand moves across the page scribbling in a date. It's followed by four words: The day I died.

And then she's slamming the book closed and curling up into a ball, memories flooding back from that night.

Tomorrow would be her first meeting with her _therapist_. She wasn't a nut job! But her parents had insisted that she go, even though the media still hadn't died down. She had been home for what, two weeks now? She's started going back to school yet her face was still plastered to every news broadcast in the country. It had even made it overseas, Hanna had joked that she was practically famous.

Alison strips down into her underwear and throws on a pair of loose pajama pants and a singlet before crawling underneath her covers like a child would. She shuts her eyes tightly and wishes for all the bad dreams to go away, if only for one night. One night of happiness, one night of peace.

But it's impossible.

* * *

"Spencer," Hanna hisses, eyes darting towards Ezra.

Aria doesn't hear, she's been ignoring them all, acting as if they weren't even there. The small brunette had turned into a walking zombie.

And even though Spencer understood it, she had been there, done that.

She _hated _it.

Aria didn't know if it was true, why Ezra was doing it if it was true, she hadn't caught him in the act.

She hadn't been through what Spencer had been through.

Ezra's out of sight before they even have a chance to distract Aria. Emily's joined them within a matter of seconds, carrying coffee and gingerbread man. She offers a outstretched hand filled with goods towards Aria. The smaller girl forces a grateful smile on her face as she plucks the sweets from out of Emily's hand.

"Thanks." She states weakly and then she's gathering her books and running of towards her geography class. Alison meets up with them at their locks minutes later, her lips stretched into a grin across her face.

"Girls," She greets, and it's almost as if she had never left.

"Hey Ali," Hanna replies, a smile lighting up on her face instantly. Emily throws Alison a soft smile before departing from the group in search of the pool. Extra practice time, she had claimed.

"Where's Aria?" Alison asks, eyes looking around the halls for her broken friend.

"Gone." Spencer states harshly, "She was here but then she left." She finishes, her tone softer this time. She couldn't put her finger on it but something was off about Alison, different, she didn't trust her. Her nightmare flashes back in her mind, her eyes flutter close for a second in a blinking action, thick black eyelashes resting against pale skin. She pushes it out of her mind, locks it back up in the corner she unleashed it from.

"We should have a sleepover. To cheer Aria up," Alison suggests, her smile turning into a wicked smirk.

And it's almost as if she had never left.

She was different but the same.

And she was going to get back everything she had lost.

Including Toby.

Hanna claps her hands together excitedly as she and Alison dive into talking about plans, Spencer throwing in the odd witty unhelpful comment here and there. Her eyes are on Ezra, talking to another teacher.

"Spence!" She hears Hanna snap, Spencer turns her head towards her blonde friend, her eyes clouded with confusion.

"What?" She asks, her hands reaching up to touch the ends of her hair. Hanna shakes her head and mutters something along the lines of don't worry.

"Mr. Fitz looks really familiar," Alison remarks casually, her eyes inspecting the teacher carefully.

And then it hits her.

And it's like she's falling apart all over again.

Because that's not just any old Ezra Fitz.

That's Ezra Fitzgerald.

That's Aria's Ezra Fitzgerald.

That's Alison's Ezra Fitzgerald.

The same man she had been having fun with in Cape May.

There were a few of them and he was one.

"I know him." Alison states quietly, she isn't sure whether to tell or not.

(She's kept Melissa a secret but this doesn't feel right.)

"What?" Hanna asks, her jaw dropping open. Alison shrugs it off as if it's nothing and then she's off running away like a scared child. Hanna and Spencer part as the bell goes, their minds reeling with this new information.

* * *

"Spencer?" Toby's voice echoes throughout her house as he climbs the stairs up towards her room. He finds her outstretched across her bed, highlighters in her hands and mouth and a textbook in front of her.

"Hey," He says softly, her head snapping up in surprise at the sound. Her face relaxes into a soft smile as he climbs onto the bed, his arms wrapping around her waist from her side. His lips press against her forehead, his arms dropping to his sides.

"Hey," She replies softly, removing the yellow highlighter from her mouth.

"Eventful day?" Toby asks, his voice laced with teasing. Her eyes drop towards the floor, she hadn't seen Alison since this morning. She had skipped by the time lunch had rolled around. Spencer pushes her books to the ground carefully, letting them fall to the floor with a small thud.

But, none of the pages have been wrecked.

"Yeah," She says lightly, "But can we talk about it later?" She asks, hands winding themselves around his neck. He nods his head as his lips press against hers.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it now?" Toby asks as Spencer pulls away, with a sigh she flops onto her back.

"Alison knows Mr. Fitz," She breathes, Toby scoots up closer towards her.

He's not surprised nor shocked.

Of _course _Alison knows Mr. Fitz.

It only really adds to the fact that he's more or less on the A team.

Toby's fingers dance lightly across Spencer's arm.

"Does Aria know?" He asks, Spencer shakes her head covering her eyes up with her hands and letting out a groan.

"Ugh. When did life get so complicated?" She asks with a frustrated sigh, Toby can't help but laugh at her antics despite the seriousness of the situation.

"On the bright side if none of this happened you and me wouldn't be here right now," He points out, leading a grin to find it's home on Spencer's face.

And even though they've all been through hell and back and then back to hell, good stuff has happened.

They've all grown closer.

Found someone who loves them no-matter what.

And Alison, she's alive.

And even though it's a storm, it's a sun storm.

Because through the negativity and bad there's still some good.

"And that is why I love you," Spencer says before reconnecting their lips together, her hands pushing through Toby's locks.

"I love you too," Toby says seriously because sometimes his actions don't show it and sometimes he doesn't say it enough.

But he means it, he means every single word of it, every single beat, every single syllable.

* * *

**A\N: Sorry for the wait and only for roughly 2,600 words.  
**


	5. Four

**Title: **I want it all.

**Summary: **-

**Authors Note: **Thanks for the feedback? I love you all c: Thanks for the spelling\grammar help! I'm sorry about that, sometimes I get confused and write it like that ( all the time tbh ] but yeah, I'll cross my fingers and hope I remember. As to the chosen one ( or something similar that someone reviewed as a guest ] Alison doesn't truly love Toby but she wants what she can't have. More will be revealed in flashbacks! This is a long author's note most of mine are but **Alison and Toby are ten **in the flashback.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

_You make everything seem hazy _

_Love comes with such a cost_

* * *

She picks up the picture frame, lets her fingers dance across the glass the picture is encased in.

Five faces smile up at her, a chubby Hanna wearing a bright pink dress that looked awful on her. Emily in shorts and a t-shirt, her face smiling up at the camera. Spencer looking polished as always, blazer and beret in place, a grumpy frown on her face. Aria wearing a black dress of tulle, grinning up at the camera. And then there's Alison, her, a smirk on place on her face, that yellow shirt covering her chest.

And then it's lying on the floor in a puddle of broken glass.

And red is staining her fingers.

She wipes the blood onto her skirt, not phased in the slightest.

And then she's pulling out her treasure chest and digging for that photo.

The one that shows Ezra and her together.

She plans to burn it, to destroy any evidence of it for good.

Aria's been a wreck and Alison's barely even seen her, the blonde doesn't want to hurt the brunette further.

Not after everything she's been through. Once upon a time she would of destroyed her friend but she knows what it's like to be destroyed until you're just a former shell of who you used to be.

She remembers the day that she met him, Ezra.

He looked different to what he did now but the same.

(Alison swayed her hips, flicked her hair back and pressed her lips against Ezra Fitzgerald's. She had met him earlier that night via Wilden. She pulled back and let out a intoxicated sounding giggle flow from her lips. Her head fell on his shoulder, his hands stroking the blonde waves. "Do you love me?" She asks in a drunken whisper, she'd lost count of how many bottles of vodka she had drained. It was more than she'd ever had before, Alison didn't get _drunk_. "Maybe," Ezra replies cryptically, a teasing smile on his face. She decides that she likes him, they spend the rest of the summer together. Partying, drinking, kissing. CeCe never even met him, to the other blonde he was known as the 'beach hottie.')

She found the photo, holding it up like a trophy above her head.

The blonde searched for a lighter, flicked it on and neared it towards the edge of the photo.

The photo caught on fire, red and orange blazing around the room.

Alison's eyes focused solely on the flames and nothing else.

Her mind focused on the fact that this photo would never be viewed again.

And then she was running to the bathroom and throwing it in the sink, filling the sink up with water. What was she thinking? Did she want to set the house on _fire_? She had had enough near death experiences for one life time, thank you very much.

And it comes crashing down on her once again.

That night.

She had finally figured everything out.

She had thought that she knew everything; who this 'A' person was, how to stop them.

She thought it would finally give Toby and her their chance.

But she remembers riding off with Ian, Toby's sweater wrapped around her body.

"Ali?" Spencer's voice breaks her out of her thoughts.

The thoughts that flood her mind every single moment of every single day.

Most of the time.

"Hey Spence," Alison replies, a bit of her confidence coming back.

And it's slowing coming back, _her_. Everything that made Alison DiLaurentis _Alison DiLaurentis_.

Spencer hand slips from off of the door and rests at her side, her eyes looking over the blonde's room. Something was different, but something was the same. It was comforting, a relief, to know that even though Alison had been gone not everything had to change. Alison has moved onto her bed, her legs dangling off of the edge.

Nervously, Spencer sits next to her. The two of them had barely talked.

"How have you been?" Spencer asks, Alison shrugs her shoulders, her fingers nervously picking at invisible fluff on her skirt.

And Spencer notices.

Something's different about Alison.

Something's been off about her since the day she rolled back into Rosewood, dark shades on and a cocky smirk on her face.

And it's almost as if she's not _Alison_.

"Tell me more about Courtney?" Spencer prompts, the brunette has a bad feeling about this whole Courtney business. Has from day one but she was just _so_ happy to have Alison back, and Ali looked _so _happy. And-

"Why?" Alison retorts, crossing her arms across her chest.

A birth mark stands out on her left wrist, tiny, a brown little splotch.

But Spencer doesn't know how she missed it before.

And it's like every single inch of blood is drained from Spencer's body.

It all adds up; everything.

"That's an interesting birthmark Ali. I don't remember you ever having it before," The words are out of Spencer's mouth before she can stop them. They float in the air, creating a distance between the two girls. She wants to snatch them up with her dainty fingers and delicately push them back into her mouth, swallowing them whole without a second thought.

Alison's eyes snap up to meet Spencer's, her right hand darting out to cover up the 'birthmark' on her wrist.

"It's not a birthmark," Alison hisses.

And it's all so wrong, because once upon a time Alison would of rolled her eyes, or shrugged her shoulders, or come up with some remark about it. One that was sure to make Spencer feel like crap.

But.

Here she was covering it up and hissing things like she was _scared_.

It turns out if you're a victim once, you're a victim for life.

At least for the unstoppable Alison DiLaurentis.

And somehow it almost serves the blonde right. She had ruined everything for everyone, dead, alive, hiding. She did nothing but make everyone fall awful about themselves, she was in control of them, they were her chess pieces. They were her victims and now she was someone's victim and the girls were A's victim, Alison had already been A's victim once though.

"What is it Ali?" Spencer's voice is soft, sweet. Like a sugar cube dissolving on your tongue. Or honey running through your fingers, slipping past the ruby red ring that adorns your finger. It's like tracing a finger around the petals of a rose, soft, silky, smooth.

Spencer's never been the easiest one to trust. The two of them fought the most and now the brunette was with the one boy Alison had ever truly loved. The boy that Alison wanted back after neglecting him and ignoring him and using him like he was her puppet. Yet, there was something about the words and Spencer's voice that Alison found comfort in.

Alison's fingers flicked the ruby red ring once, twice, thrice.

"If I tell you, you have to promise that you won't tell a single soul." Alison states, her walls breaking down around her. The layer of heavy armor she had worn since an infant falling to pieces, "And that you won't hate me forever." She adds in a quieter voice, tears prickling in her eyes. To tell or not to tell? She honestly didn't want Spencer to hate her and the girls, it seemed like they would side with Spencer. Not her. She's been away far too long and when she was around she had made their life a living hell.

And A, that bitch was causing them hell because of her.

"I swear."

And Alison parts open her mouth, reading to embark on a mission that would be sure to cause her hell.

* * *

**OCTOBER 12TH 2OO5 **

* * *

"Toby!" Alison exclaims, throwing her arms around her friend's neck. It's been forever since she's seen him. Or it feels like it's been forever since she's seen him. His arms wrap around her awkwardly as he rests his head against her shoulder for a second.

"Hey Ali." He greets, a small smile gracing his lips. Alison rolls her eyes at his awkwardness and brushes it off, she still loves him. Even if she does have cooler friends now. Her small hand grabs his as she drags him over to her bedroom.

"How are you?" He asks her as he looks around her bedroom. She shrugs her shoulders as she flops down onto the floor, good, bad, okay? Did it matter how she had been?

"I've missed you." She states, causing a light blush to creep across Toby's cheeks.

He loves her.

He's always loved her.

He'll always love her.

She loves him.

She's always loved him.

She'll always love him.

"I've missed you as well. You're my best friend Ali." His fingers pick up a card that's lying on her desk, he opens it up, **'Happy Birthday Alison!' **written clearly on the card. He shuts it close and throws it back on her desk going to sit beside her.

"How was your holiday?" Alison asks softly.

That's right, he had been gone.

On holiday.

With his family.

Where his mum and dad fought every. single. day.

"It was different. It's weird being back." He states as he leans back against Alison's bed. He had been gone for two years, two entire years. The last time he had seen Alison he had been eight years old.

"It was weird without you here," The words escape through Alison's mouth as her phone beeps. She greedily grabs it and turns it on to see a text from Jason. Toby's mouth has formed a small 'O' shape at the sight of the phone. No matter how much begging and pleading he had done his parents wouldn't allow him to have one.

"You're lucky," Toby mutters under his breath. Alison doesn't even hear, off in her own little world. With a sigh she places the phone back carefully where she had gotten it, a little space in between her bed and drawers. She puts a finger to her lips and whispers a small 'ssh'.

"They can't know where I keep it," She explains with a small shrug, flopping onto her back upon her bed. Toby grins at Alison, she hadn't really changed at all.

And it wasn't awkward.

He thought it would be but it wasn't. It was just like old times, the two of them hanging out. Except that they were older and they hadn't seen each other in forever.

"Have any new friends?" Toby asks nervously. He hopes she says no, he hates it when she has new friends. He never has new friends, it always just been her and then she'll go off without him. It's always just been them. She smiles at him and nods her head eagerly.

"Heaps!" She exclaims excitedly.

And he swears his heart breaks.

Because it can't go back to how it was.

Back to just the two of them.

She's always been dragged away from him before but she's never had heaps of new friends. One or two at the most. He hates that she's his only friend, the only person he has ever been able to rely on.

"Do you wanna meet them? We can all go to the park together or something." Alison suggests, she's only ever been this sweet to him.

She's only ever been the real Alison in front of him. Apparently she's been the devil since she was in diapers.

But.

With him she's just Alison.

And she thinks that they act too grown up for ten year old's. She swings her feet to the ground and pulls Toby up by his arms.

* * *

**PRESENT.**

* * *

The sound of Spencer's phone beeping interrupts any conversation about to begin. Spencer shoots her best friend an apologetic smile before digging around in her phone to pull it out and silence it. Instead she sees Toby's name on the screen, a message underneath it. She opens the message up, the smile that had once been on her face drops off completely.

**I have a lead on my mum. Could you meet me at the loft now, please? - Toby. **

"I have to go Alison," Spencer manages to get out, and she feels awful but this is the first time they'd gotten close to finding out what had really happened to Toby's mother. Alison could wait, Toby couldn't.

And Spencer wonders when she became the girl that chose her boyfriend over her best friends.

"Oh," Alison emits, "It's fine." She finishes, a stone cold mask replacing her face once again. She's sort of relieved, she won't have to go through that horrific tale all over again.

But a part of her was looking forward to finally telling the truth.

To sharing secrets.

Because secrets, they keep friends close.

Even if the secrets she was about to spill would of destroyed her friendship with Spencer.

And then Spencer is gone.

Leaving Alison all by her lonesome self.

And the blonde wonders when Spencer started putting boyfriends before her best friends.

She hadn't missed the Toby that had appeared on Spencer's screen.

And she could tell you in detail how much it broke her heart, the fact that her Toby was with Spencer. Not with her. The fact that her Spencer was off with Toby. Not with her. She decides to hate the relationship the two of them have even more, she starts to wonder how it even started.

Alison decides she's better off not knowing, she doesn't want to go down that route. She'll end up in self destruction, destroying everything she's ever loved and she's changing. She's growing up, how could she not? After all, she's been to hell and back and back again.

Spencer stands outside Toby's left, her knuckles poised above his door. The door flies open before Spencer has time to knock, revealing a distraught looking Toby. Her arms wrap around his body, enclosing him in a tight embrace.

His arms wound around around her body, his head falling onto her shoulder. Spencer pulls away slightly, her fingers lifting up Toby's chin. Her lips press against his softly, lightly.

She pulls away from him, shutting the door behind her lightly. Her eyes spot papers and files scattered about on the coffee table, she heads straight towards it. She swoops up the nearest piece of paper in sight, her eyes going over the words. She lets her eyes flutter close, this was the file that Toby had gotten in exchange for the R.V. The only file the two of them had had for months, she knows every word off by heart.

"What did you find out?" Spencer asks curiously, she feels Toby sit down beside her. She feels his fingers intertwine with her own, she feels his breath on her ear as he leans in close.

"She was murdered." He states, her eyes snap open and she wish she hadn't opened them. Tears are welled up in Toby's eyes and his face is broken, he looks lost, confused and, and Spencer can't handle it. Her arms wrap around him in an embrace, a soft kiss being pressed to his cheek.

"How, how do you know this?" She asks him. Toby takes in a deep breath, preparing to tell Spencer what he had found out.

* * *

**A\N: I have been so busy but I'm more free now. I had more spoby planned for this chapter but fate hates me and I forgot to save it and my laptop went dead and I lost the file. So I had to rewrite the bottom half, sorry to leave you hanging but I needed to update this. Cos' it hasn't been updated in forever. **


	6. Five

**Title: **I want it all.

**Summary: **-

**Authors Note: **I'm so so so sorry! I'm on holidays now, so I have two weeks to write but I also have only two weeks to do a bunch of homework, catch up on T.V. shows, read _and _meet up with friends. The updates will probably stay around the same. I'm terrible, horrible! I also apologize for the lack of spoby at the moment.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

_"How, how do you know this?" _

The words echo around in his head, filling up every empty space.

How?

He closes his eyes and gently picks up his phone from off of the coffee table.

He opens his eyes, finds the message and then passes his phone to Spencer.

It could be a lie, a false fact but he believes it.

He hears a sigh emit out of Spencer's mouth, feels her arms wrap around his body, his head goes limp, resting on her shoulder.

"Do you believe this?" She finally asks, her voice no higher than a whisper.

"It makes sense, Spence." He breathes, he pulls away from Spencer, jumping up. His hands fall to the coffee table, he pushes them around trying to find a piece of paper, documents fly on to the ground. No one says anything as he retrieves a pile of notes from Radley. He thrusts them towards Spencer.

"See, it doesn't make sense! Nothing makes sense, she was happy that day. She was ready to come _home_. You said so yourself, she couldn't of jumped out of that window. She had to of been-" His words are jumbled together in a mess, tears welling in his eyes as he looks at Spencer. He needs her to believe him. Once again, her arms are wrapping around him. She loops them around his neck and presses her lips against his cheek, she can taste the salty tears and it _hurts_.

It hurts because they need answers.

It hurts because their lives weren't supposed to be like this.

It hurts because she loves him.

"I believe you." She states.

She does, she means it, she believes him. The suicide was dodgy, evidence leaves them to suggest that she didn't jump.

"What did her doctor say again?" She asks, brown eyes meeting blue.

Toby pauses, the answers lingering on the tip of his tongue.

The doctor was crazy yet he mentioned something that could be of help yet that something was a someone and that someone sounded a lot like Alison DiLaurentis.

"He, uh, he mentioned something about her staying away from a blonde girl. Something to do with evil," His eyes drop to the floor, because he knows it was Alison. It couldn't of been anyone else. Blonde, check. Girl, check. Evil, check.

And, she knew his mother.

The two of them, they grew up together.

Basically.

"You don't think he was talking about Ali do you?" Spencer whispers, eyes looking around the room, waiting for the blonde to pop up out of no where. Toby slowly nods his head.

"Yeah, I have a feeling he was talking about Alison."

And he can't explain why, or how he knows it was Alison.

He doesn't want to have to delve into his past with her.

Best friends. Jealousy. Rumors. A stolen kiss. Or two.

They had made a promise, a pact. Hadn't they?

"Oh god." He hears Spencer mumble.

Because it wasn't hard to believe that Alison would cause trouble. That she could have something to do with his mother's death, even without knowing the fact that she knew his mum.

"What does that even mean? Her staying away from Alison?" Spencer ponders aloud. Toby shrugs his shoulders, sitting back down next to Spencer.

"Maybe we can just forget about it for a few minutes?" Toby suggests before planting his lips down onto Spencer's, her hands fly up to the back of his neck as she responds.

"I like that idea," She breathes into his mouth.

* * *

"Aria?" Hanna asks, stepping inside the girls room.

Aria's curled up in a ball atop of her bed, tissues thrown around her.

And Hanna's heart breaks.

Emily's behind her, Alison's behind Emily.

"Hey," Aria greets, weakly. She lifts her body up into a sitting position, forces a smile to stretch across her face.

Because everything is going to be okay.

Because everything has been over with Ezra for a long time.

Because it's not the end of the world.

Because Mona _could_ be lying.

Because her life doesn't revolve around Ezra Fitz.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asks, sitting down on the end of her bed.

Hanna flops down onto the bed as well, pushing Aria's legs away from her.

Alison stands awkwardly in the door way observing the scene.

This wasn't her, awkward, out of place.

She should be flipping her hair back, saying something mean, rolling her eyes-

"As good as I'll ever feel," Aria replies breaking Alison out of her daydream and then Aria's eyes are meeting Alison's and words are slipping out of the brunette's mouth, "You know Ezra, right?" She asks and Alison goes weak in the knees.

Of course they would tell her.

Alison lets out a cruel laugh, shaking her head, blonde hair flying everywhere.

"No. He just looked like somebody I used to knew," She lies.

And strange looks are thrown her way but she ignores it as she sits down next to Aria, whispering things about how he isn't worth it, and how it doesn't matter.

Spencer arrives less than twenty minutes later and the sleepover commences.

* * *

"Do you remember when you were hit by a car and A signed your cast?" Aria asks Hanna, a teasing edge to her voice because who could forget _that_. Who could forget anything that they'd been through. Hanna lets out a laugh and hits Aria's leg with a pillow.

And even though she wasn't here and she had missed out on a lot of these memories, Alison laughs along, throwing her head back and clutching her chest. In a way she hadn't done since she was seven years old, even when she was 'alive' and they were friends she hadn't been like this.

"Do you remember that time when Alison tripped over a stone while we were walking home from school and she started _crying_," Emily manages to get out in between laughs.

And the memory comes flashing back to them all because it was a rare sight to see Alison DiLaurentis cry. The five of them had just become friends and in the process Alison had managed to lose Toby. The girls didn't know about the latter, they didn't know that was what she was really crying over. And she wouldn't tell them, not now, not ever. She would refrain from telling Spencer everything she was going to spill earlier on in the day.

So Alison laughs along, rolling her eyes.

"Somethings _different_ about you," Aria states later, once the sun is on the horizon of arising. "I think I like you better now," Aria mumbles as she drifts off to sleep.

And the fact that her friends like her better now hurts just a little.

And it also makes her heart soar with happiness.

Her eyelids flutter close, her eyelashes resting on her cheeks, her mouth set upwards in a small smile.

She'll learn to be Alison again, but maybe she doesn't want to go back to that Alison. The bitchy, controlling, Alison. Maybe she wants to be a new Alison, one that has friends that actually like her.

She visits the state of unconsciousness, deciding that it's too late (or too early) to be thinking about such trivial matters.

* * *

Aria, Hanna, Emily and Spencer are awake before Alison.

Aria gives Alison a light shove, sending the blonde into a fit of shrieks.

"Isn't it a bit too early?" She snaps at Aria, crossing her arms across her chest.

The smaller brunette ignores her, "I'm over this whole Ezra drama." She states.

And smiles and hugs and laughs and claps are exchanged and are thrown around the room.

"Yay!" Hanna exclaims, launching herself onto Aria.

"I think this calls for celebrating," Alison's voice interrupts a small speech Hanna had been previously making.

Yet nobody complains as the five of them get ready and head off towards The Brew.

"Are we gonna talk?" Spencer asks Alison in a hushed whisper, their arms looped together.

Alison shrugs her shoulders as she pushes open the door to The Brew and steps inside, a fresh blast of air conditioning hitting the girls as they make their way inside. Alison would have to come up with something, anything, to tell Spencer.

"Later." The blonde harshly snaps back before going off to order coffee's and croissants.

They sit down at a table, each girl dying to ask Aria the million dollar question: How, why, when? But she beats them all to it, answering before anybody can even utter a single syllable.

"He's not worth my time. So what if he betrayed me, we aren't together and I shouldn't be all misery and mopey. It hurts, it'll always hurt but why should I waste my time with feeling this awful?"

"I'm proud of you," Spencer tells her breaking the silence that had engulfed them. A smile spreads across Aria's face, a 'thanks, that means a lot.' tumbling out of her mouth.

* * *

**A\N: Sorry for this being so short!**


	7. Six

**Title: **I want it all.

**Authors Note: **Ah! My holiday's are nearly over and I haven't started on any of my homework. At all. So, uhm, this may be my last chance to actually update before term 3 starts. Also I think Ali's grandma might of been the one calling Carla Grunwald.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

**13TH OF NOVEMBER 2OO9**

* * *

It's deadly silent in the room as the first of Alison's tears start to pour down her face.

She's weak when she's meant to be strong but she just wants _out_.

Courtney's not even here, she's off picking up essentials.

Alison slips off of her bed, grabbing her shoes that lay next to the bed and slipping them onto her feet. She quietly walks over to the window and opens it carefully. She doesn't make a sound, taking a deep breath she slides her body out of the window. Her feet land onto the muddy ground with a thud. She can see a car approaching in the distant, a flash of curly blonde hair.

And then she's running as fast as she can in the opposite direction, not daring to look back.

Her heart's beating, her eyes are wide open, and her hands are tightly enclosed as fists; all she can see is darkness ahead.

It's all darkness, the darkness is encasing her in it's giant web. She twists her head back, only once, and she can't see _anything_ but darkness. She can see a faint house outline, somewhere in the distance. Very far away from where she is now, she lets out a sigh of relief and turns her head back to the front, picking up her pace.

She can't risk being caught.

She flings her arms out, knocking away branches sticking out ready to point her in the eye or damage her face. It's like she's out of a horror movie, if it wasn't happening to her she would roll her eyes. Her feet kick at the dirt and sticks and stones on the ground beneath her feet.

She doesn't know how long she's been running for but she comes to a halt as she spots a convenience store. She looks around her, trying to spot Courtney or Courtney's car before she runs across the street and into the store; into safety. The boy behind the desk shoots her a strange look as she grabs a hold of a rack of chips to steady herself as her breathing returns to normal. She peeks outside, other shops are all around her and all are open. Lights flashing, she's safe.

She doesn't trust Courtney, even though she had 'saved' her. There was something odd about her, something _evil_.

"Can I help you?" The boy behind the desk asks, she looks up her eyes meeting his. She nods her head eagerly, shoving her hands into the pockets on her jeans. Courtney had been nice enough to lend her some clothes so she wasn't stuck wearing the tatty dirt ridden clothes she had been wearing _that night_. She has a few coins in the pocket of her jeans, she takes them out and counts them up in her hands.

Five dollars and seventy cents in total. A small sigh is released out of her peach covered lips, because yes, Courtney even supplied her with make up when she wasn't allowed to leave the house. She grabs a chocolate bar off of the counter and shoves it in front of him.

"That's all?" He asks, scanning it. She nods her head as she gives him two dollars of her five.

"Uh, do you actually mind if I stay here?" She asks, leaning against the counter. She watches as the bar swallows a lump in his throat and nods his head shyly. She hasn't lost her spark, and if she wasn't on the run she would of been triumphant.

And a little part of her still was.

More people start to crowd in, of all ages. Teenagers, elderly, little kids. They don't leave either, they don't quickly grab something and go. They stop to talk to the boy or ponder over what to get. Alison's never been more thankful for anything in her life, if Courtney found her she couldn't do anything to her.

"What's your name?" The boy asks when it's just them in the store. An elderly couple's in the back of the store, and two little kids are at the ice cream section, their parents outside. Technically, it wasn't just them but nobody was talking to him.

"Alison." She states, shooting him a smile and extending her hand out. Maybe if she was lucky she could crash at his place tonight, or something like that. He takes her hand, smiling up at her.

"Phoenix."

The two of them talk for what feels like hours, people come and go, paying for things, stopping for a brief chat but Phoenix can barely keep his eyes off of her. He does indeed ask her if she wants to hang out tomorrow and she asks if she could maybe stay the night at his because she has no where else to go. She finds herself lying atop of his bed, her eyes lightly shut and her hands curled as fists at her side.

Courtney could find her any minute.

* * *

**PRESENT**

* * *

"Are you hungry?" Toby asks Spencer, his fingers entwined with her fingers. He's swaying their hands back and forth between them as they walk towards the brew.

"Not really," She admits. They've planned to meet Emily, Hanna and Caleb there to try and find out more about this Courtney character Alison had told them about. Aria had agreed to go out with Alison to get her away from their plan. Spencer felt a bit guilty, going behind her friend's back but something was off with Alison and she needed to find out _what_.

"Are you sure about this?" Toby asks for what feels the millionth time. Spencer rolls her eyes as she opens up the door to the brew with her free hand.

"Yes," She hisses at him as they make their way over to the table everyone's already situated at. Emily's even already brought their coffee's over. Spencer greedily takes her coffee, drowning it in one go.

"I don't get what we're supposed to do here." Caleb states. How were they meant to find out more about this Courtney without any information about her.

"That's why you're here. You're good at computer tech stuff, you just search Courtney up and go through google pages and then you tell us what you find," Hanna explains, looking at Spencer for conformation for that's indeed what has to be done. Spencer gives a small nod of her head.

"So why do we think something's up with Alison? And why does it involve Courtney?" Emily asks after a few minutes, the questions have been on her mind since Spencer had first called her.

_"It's not a birthmark," _

If it wasn't a birthmark, what was it?

"I, I think either Alison _is _Courtney," She looks around the faces sitting around the table, trying to gauge their reactions before saying her next theory, "Or Courtney did something to Alison. You can't tell me you haven't been able to see how off she's been, how un-Alison she's been."

"I thought that was just her growing up," Hanna mumbles, taking a sip of of her own coffee. Spencer rolls her eyes, choosing to ignore the comment. Sure, Alison could of grown up but there was something more going on regardless.

"Uh, a Radley page just came up." Caleb's voice breaks everyone out of their conversation, all four eyes shooting up to meet his. "She was a doctor at Radley."

Spencer grabs his laptop off of him, she reads the article thoroughly, her lips twisting down wards into a confused frown. Why are they sharing that information? How was she old enough?

"I think we need to go to Radley." Emily sighs, slinging her bag onto her shoulders.

And Spencer doesn't want to have to go back there.

Not now.

It had been hard enough going back for Toby.

For Alison, she repeats it in her head like a mantra.

Alison. Alison. Alison.

"Alison!" Hanna's voice squeals, confusion evident. The blonde throws her arms around the other blonde, the uninvited blonde, and squeezes her gently. Aria rolls her eyes from behind Alison.

"Could she be any faker?" Aria mouths to everyone but the two blondes suddenly embracing each other, her arms crossed against her chest. A pink streak lies in her hair. Emily can't help but smile at the sight, it's pre-dead Alison Aria. It's pre-Iceland Aria. It's pre-Ezra Aria, and that's a good sight to see.

"You two finally made it." Spencer tells them, _grumbles_, would probably be more correct. Normal Spencer who isn't going behind one of her best friend's back and was supposed to be waiting for two best friends to arrive would grumble, so this Spencer has to grumble.

Since when has she become one of those girls that refer to themselves in third person?

"You were waiting for us?" Alison asks, confusion sweeping through her voice. She raises an eyebrow, bitch face plastered on her face.

"Surprise!" Aria squeals from behind, tugging on her arm.

"We wanted to do something special, and while coffee isn't all _that_ special, it's still sort of special, right?" Hanna rambles.

"Wait - _why_ are we doing something special in the first place?" Alison asks, catching all of them off guard.

She'll always be one step ahead.

Always.

"Maybe because you just returned back from the dead." Caleb states, staring the blonde he hadn't known when she was alive down.

Two chairs are pulled up to their table and the ones sitting at the table, resit down, more coffee's are ordered as an awkward conversation fails to begin until Hanna starts going off about shoes.

* * *

Toby was put on looking after Alison duty as the rest of them went to investigate at Radley.

_"I don't think it'll be a good idea for you to come with Radley with us. You know, with everything that took place there with your mother. We need someone to make sure Alison doesn't find out either. Can you please be that someone?" _

Spencer had practically begged for him to keep an eye on Alison, her excuse being something along the lines of how he won't be able to handle Radley. The worst thing was, she was right.

So now he finds himself in Alison DiLaurentis's bedroom.

Alison DiLaurentis's hands are around his torso, his hands are patting the top of her head awkwardly as she cries into his shoulder and pours out her heart like she hasn't done since they were fifteen years old, the day she went missing.

"Ali, calm down." He hears himself saying and then all the crying stops and she's pulling away from him, wiping at her eyes.

"Ugh, I look a mess." She complains, running over to her vanity.

They've always been _different_ around each other.

Always different levels, different variety's of different.

"Al, come on, you don't look a mess," He offers weakly, his childhood nickname for her sliding off of his lips.

He knows it was a mistake as soon as it floats through the air, suffocating them. The last time he had called her Al had been when he had professed his undying love for her and she had laughed in his face.

"You, you called me Al." She states, her voice is barely a whisper and if it wasn't dead silent he wouldn't of heard her.

He hates her. He loathes her. He detests her. He finds her vile, disgusting, horrible, a terrible human being.

But he misses being her friend. He misses her being his friend.

On their worst days they could bring a smile to the others face. He kneels down in front of her, his hands stroking her hair comfortingly. There's nothing _romantic_ about it, even if Alison wishes that it was. It's friendly, it's something two best friends would do. Another tear falls from her eyes, she catches it with her pinky before it can land in her mouth. A laugh falls out of her lips, a laugh falls out of Toby's and then the two of them are laughing and crying and hugging.

And even though all Alison wants to do is kiss Toby, to turn this night into a night that neither of them will never forget. She just, she just _can't_ because she doesn't know if the way she loves him is like _that_. He's always been her best friend, she can't remember a time before him. She remembers a time without him, she can remember plenty of times without him. She's always loved him, whether it be a brotherly love or a friendly love or a romantic kind of love. The latter came later, it was after she had watched _The Notebook _or was it _Titanic_? For the first time and realized that she loved Toby like the leading women, or the leading men, had loved their significant other.

At least she had thought she had.

She was too young to tell the difference between the different sorts of love.

"I love you, Toby."

"I know, Alison."

* * *

Toby wakes up before Alison, his body is strewn across the floor of her room. He lets out a soft groan as he pulls himself up into a sitting position, the events of last night rushing back through his mind. He glances over at Alison, tucked safely into her bed, a soft smile covering his face.

He had thought he had loved her once. A love that had consumed him. A love that made him want to be by her side every single day.

Now? Now he loved her like a brother loved his sister.

He loved her like a best friend loved their best friend.

He leaves the house straight away, after putting his shoes back on and sliding his jacket on. He's just pulled out his phone to text Spencer when she meets him out the front of her house.

"How did it go?" She asks him nervously, her voice brimming with excitement.

_They found something_, is the first thought that pops into his brain. He shrugs his shoulders in indifference. A frown settles on Spencer's face before Toby pulls her into a hug, crushing her.

Now? He loved Spencer to the point where it consumed him, to the point where if she ever exited his life ever again he would go mad, to the point where being with her made his whole face light up, to the point where he would do _anything_, anything, for her. He loved her more than he's ever loved anyone.

"I love you, Spence." His lips connecting with hers, she mumbles the same words against his lips as he arms wrap around his neck.

And that's the moment Alison chooses to leave her house in search of Toby. No, she didn't love Toby like she loves a _friend_ or a _brother_. She loves him like one loves a significant other.

* * *

**A\N: This is super short, I'm so sorry. So jealous Alison is back (did she ever leave?) but at least we know what Toby thinks. I don't think this chapter was very good but hey, why don't you drop me a review and tell me yourself?  
**


	8. Seven

**Title: **I want it all.

**Authors Note: **I love you guys all so much! I would love to hit fifty reviews, hint hint. I have an entire flashback chapter planned soon that should answer some questions, I'm debating whether it should be Toby\Alison or Alison\Escaping\Courtney\Death? Did the latter make any sense? If you want to see any certain questions answered though, please drop them in a review or PM me so I can organize them into the fic sooner rather than later depending on how big\important the questions are. Leave what flashback you would want to see for the big flashback chapter, both will happen, but what one do you want to see?

**IMPORTANT:** You should all follow me at **daaisybuchanan** at twitter or at least check in on it from time to time for hints\sneak peeks\updates about how everything is going.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

* * *

"Toby?" Spencer whispers through the darkness, her hand reaches out in front of her feeling only emptiness. A soft sigh escapes through her lips as she pushes herself up off of Toby's bed, her feet land on the floor with a soft thud. She reaches out her hand to flick on the lamp next to the bed, a soft glow envelops the room.

"Toby?" Spencer says once again, her voice louder this time. She walks towards the door, turning on the main light switch. She shuts her eyes for a second, the brightness taking her by surprise. She opens them carefully, letting her eyes adjust to the new light.

"Spence?" She hears Toby ask curiously, the brunette spins around on her heels.

"Hey," Toby takes one, two, three, four, five, six steps towards her before wrapping his arms around her neck and bringing her closer to his chest. "Why are you up?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's not like I can control when I wake up and all." Spencer replies sharply, stepping away from Toby and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Are you _still _mad?" Toby asks, his eyes fluttering close softly. He knew the moments the words had slipped out of his mouth they had been a mistake.

"Yes! Of course I'm still mad that you kept the fact that you _had feelings _for my best friend a secret!" Spencer bites back. She doesn't cry unless she's _really _upset and when she does cry, she doesn't let anyone see but she can't help feeling the budding tears arise within her eyes.

"Spence," The words are soft, they die on his tongue.

"I think I need to be alone for a little while, to sort through everything." Spencer states, turning her back on Toby. Her hands fumbling for her jeans in the darkness, it had been an impromptu stay at Toby's; after finding out about everything that had gone down between Toby and Alison (or at least she thought it was everything.) she had asked if she could stay the night. She didn't want to go home, where she was across the street from Alison, where her family was watching her like a hawk. She thought they hadn't cared, she had confronted them, broke down around them, _cried _in front of them about them not caring about her and now? Now they watch her every move, are with her every single moment. As much as it pained her to be around Toby it was better than being at home.

Now she thinks being around her family's watchful eye might be better.

She shoves her legs into her jeans, her arms into her jumper, her feet into her shoes.

To turns back around to face Toby.

Her lips open, trying to form a goodbye before she clamps it shut and flees.

* * *

**ONE DAY EARLIER.  
**

* * *

"I can't believe that you went on a date with my brother!" Alison groans, falling back first onto Aria's bed. Aria's mouth twists into a frown.

"I didn't go on a _date_," She emphases the word date to make her point, "with Jason." Aria finishes, shooting Alison a pointed look.

"Ooh what's this I hear of _dates_?" Hanna asks, walking into the room with a bowl of popcorn.

"Aria went out with Jason last night," Alison smirks. Hanna's mouth spits out a few more 'oohs' and 'aahs' and Emily lets out a shaky laugh.

"I've always wondered, is Jason a good kisser?" Hanna suddenly asks, her tone adopting one of seriousness. Aria rolls her eyes and her head faintly nods, yes.

Emily's jaw slackens, eyes going wide before she starts clapping with glee and engulfing Aria into a hug. She _knew _it, Aria had denied everything but she just knew it.

"Oh my god!" Alison squeals, she had just been teasing Aria but it was all true-

"I'm just messing with you guys," Aria quickly admits, a sly smile taking over her lips.

"So you didn't kiss Jason?" Emily asks, glancing over at Hanna who's lips are twisted downwards in a frown.

"No!" Aria quickly exclaims, eyes falling to the floor. "You know I still love Ezra, after everything."

An awkward silence envelops the room, they've all tried to dodge the Ezra subject as much as possible. They've tried to act as if the fact didn't even exist, another pointless rumor sprouting from Mona's mouth, only to be spread around their exclusive group.

"Do you, do you wanna talk about it?" Emily asks finally breaking the silence. Aria's eyes travel around the room, yes, yes, yes, is screaming in her head. She's not usually like this, burying her problems so deep inside her chest until she explodes - wait, no that's _exactly_ who she is.

"Hey," Spencer's voice enters the room, her body following her soon afterwards. Aria forgets about any idea of telling the girls anything, sharing her thoughts.

"Hey!" Hanna beams, excitement laced through her voice as she greets Spencer.

Spencer flops down onto Aria's bed next to Alison. It's been exactly one week since they had gone in search of answers. It's been exactly one week since they had found nothing. It's been exactly one week since Spencer had given up, maybe Alison had just changed while she was away. Maybe she wanted to keep what happened a secret for a _reason_. She doesn't want to stop searching for answers but maybe she should.

"Spencer, can you please tell Aria that it's okay if she likes _our_ brother. She doesn't seem to be listening to anybody else," Alison's voice breathes out, reaching Spencer's ears. Spencer sits up, looking straight out Aria, who has a light pink blush spreading across her cheek.

"You like _Jason_?" Spencer spits out, surprised.

Aria shakes her head furiously, only now starting to get a little pissed off that everyone is jumping to the conclusion that she likes Jason. The two of them are friends, that's _all_, but then again she did sort of like him.

"A little?" She weakly replies, her eyes darting to the floor in shame. She still loves Ezra through everything, she needs to learn to stop moving on so quickly after break ups.

"Oh my god! See?" Hanna shouts excitedly, she wants Aria to be happy. She wants Aria to move on.

"So does that mean you _did _go on a date with Jason?" Emily asks, frowning slightly. Aria lets out a soft groan escape her lips in frustration, it wasn't a date. She wishes that they would all stop jumping to that conclusion.

"No! We went to see a movie, that's all. It _wasn't_ a date." Aria states hoping to put the matter away once and for all. "What took you so long Spence?" Aria asks, changing the subject. Everybody had arrived a _lot_ early than Spencer had.

"I was with Toby," Spencer explains. Nobody notices how Alison's eyes narrow. It's been exactly one week since Alison had lost Toby for good. It's been exactly one week since she's started planning Spencer's death. It's been exactly one week since her life has fallen apart. She shouldn't be this worked up over a guy. Guys got worked up over her, not the other way round.

"Aria. When you go and see a movie with a guy it's a date. That's just like logic," Hanna explains, steering the conversation back into Aria and Jason land. Alison's grateful, it will take her mind off of the fact that Toby doesn't love her, doesn't even like her like that, doesn't want to be with her. It'll take her mind off of the fact that he loves Spencer. That he wants Spencer, of all people, he wants Spencer.

"Hanna, if you went to see a movie with Toby would that make it a date?" Aria asks her. Hanna lets out a sigh, Aria just _doesn't_ understand.

"It means it's a date if both of you are single. Plus, why would I go see a movie with _Toby_? No offence Spence but uh, I wouldn't ever go see a movie with Toby." Hanna points out, shaking her head. Toby? Why Toby? Couldn't Aria think of someone, anyone, better for her to go see a movie with?

"You're unbelievable," Aria mutters, grabbing a handful of popcorn out of the bowl sitting next to Hanna.

"I'm sensing that Aria doesn't really want to talk about this anymore guys," Spencer throws out, Aria shooting her a thankful smile, "So what movie should we watch?"

* * *

"It's late," Spencer yawns, pulling herself up into a standing position off of Aria's bed. She reaches down and picks up the jumper she had previously dumped on the floor half way through _Clueless_.

"You're not staying?" Aria asks, a yawn following her words afterwards. Spencer shakes her head, slipping on the jacket.

"I really should get home-"

"Or go meet Toby?" Hanna interrupts, raising her eyebrows before falling into a fit of giggles, waving Spencer away. Hanna's head falls into Emily's lap, blonde hair tumbling everywhere.

"Is she going to be alright?" Spencer mouths to Aria and Alison, the only two people paying attention to her. The two girls share a look, look back at Spencer and shrug their shoulders.

"I'll make sure she is." Emily states, pushing a drunken Hanna off of her lap. She stands up, grabbing Hanna's arm, and pulls her up into a standing position. She steadies her, wrapping her arms around her waist as she leads her towards the door. She stumbles a little and Emily sighs,

"I think she needs to crash here." Emily states. Alison lets out a laugh, nodding her head.

"Yeah," She breathes, rolling her eyes at Hanna. At least when _she_ gets drunk she knows how to act in a civilised manner. Alison's the next one to stand up, walking over towards Spencer. There was no way in hell that if Spencer was going to see Toby that she is now. She would make sure of it, she loops her arm through the brunette's, shooting Aria a smile.

"I should get going as well."

"_All _of you are going? When I asked you to all come over I expected for you to all stay," Aria fake pouts, a small smile creeping onto her face as she gets up to hug everybody goodbye.

Spencer and Alison are the first to leave, arms locked together. Spencer untangles their arms as they reach their cars out front.

"Bye," Spencer tells Alison, waving her hand at her a little before walking around to her car. She's finding it hard to be around her, the constant thought that she's this Courtney character popping into her mind again and again.

"Spencer, wait. I was thinking maybe I could stay over at yours tonight?" Alison nervously asks. This isn't her, being nervous? God, she blames Courtney. She blames Melissa. She blames everyone that ever held a grudge against her and teamed up to take her down. They've ruined her, made her into some weak shell of who she used to be.

Spencer looks conflicted for a second before she nods her head.

"Sure. I just have to text Toby to let him know I'm not coming over," _Toby_. So she was going to go see him, she understands how people could want to take her down. She wants to take Spencer down, she wants to murder her in cold blood despite her being her best friend. Toby was hers first, then she Spencer's sister had to fuck everything up and then Spencer herself decided that she liked Toby.

And then there was Toby. She wanted to murder him and make out with him at the same time. Spencer didn't - still doesn't - know about there past, but he, he knew about their past. They had _something_. They were meant for each other, even if they did have their ups and downs, right? Didn't he know that? Did he not think about what she would be thinking even if she was supposed to be dead? When would she _ever _approve of Toby and Spencer? He was meant to wait for her. Always. Even if she was dead and now that she's not dead? He's meant to dump Spencer and be with her instead. She hates him for it, she hates him for ruining everything between them but she can't hate him _that_ much. It's impossible when she loves him so much, so it's easier to hate Spencer. Spencer who takes everything away from her. Ian, and now Toby.

"Okay. Do you want to drive your own car there or do you want to take my car?" Spencer asks, breaking Alison out of her thoughts. Alison shrugs her shoulders and walks towards Spencer's car.

"I can pick it up in the morning," Alison remarks, opening up the car door and sliding inside. Spencer's quick to follow Alison's lead. They drive to Spencer's house in complete silence, Spencer's nails tapping against the wheel nervously. She wants to ask Alison what's been going on, what happened _that_ night but she can't bring herself to do it. What if she didn't like the answers? What if Alison wouldn't give them to her? What if Alison got mad? God forbid it, she lost Alison once. She's not about to lose her again even if Alison is an utter bitch but this girl, this person next to her, looked like Alison but she didn't feel like her. Almost as if she _wasn't _her. No, she's not Courtney.

"Alison," Spencer breathes, finally deciding. She would ask her, suck it up and ask her. "What happened the night somebody tried to kill you?" She parks the car in front of her house, turning her head around to face Alison who's staring intently out of the window.

"Why do you want to know?" Alison asks coldly, sending chills down Spencer's spine. It's like Alison is back, this is the Alison she knows. Alison turns to face her, glaring at her, eyes like daggers. And if looks could kill, she would be eight feet under.

"You haven't been yourself lately Ali." Spencer states bravely, head high, shoulders back.

"What do you mean 'I haven't been myself lately'?" Alison snaps back, air quotation marks going up for 'I haven't been myself lately' with an eye roll following the words.

"Are you even Alison? Or are you Courtney?" Spencer accuses, placing a hand on the car doors handle preparing to flee if needed. Alison's eyes narrow as she conjures up the perfect comeback inside of her head.

"Am I Courtney? Are you _serious_? You don't know anything about Courtney!" Alison screeches, okay not the most perfect comeback. Loosing her calm, not okay.

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. The old Alison wouldn't of lost her cool, she would still be collected, manipulative." Spencer shoots back.

Alison has to admit, she has a point. She hasn't acted like herself of late. Still, why would Spencer accuse her of being Courtney? A girl she's never met before, a girl she knows barely anything about except for the fact that she's Alison's twin sister.

"Don't you think maybe I've just changed? Maybe I've just become a better person?" Alison retorts, she has to clamp her mouth shut from spilling all the secrets about Toby and her. She's so close to using them as ammo, so close to throwing things that Spencer knows nothing about in her face.

"You're not capable of changing Alison. You've always been, and always will be, a bitch. So why would you change now?" Spencer says, calm, cool, collected. Like the old Alison would be, except unlike the old Alison she isn't able to make goosebumps appear on someones arm. Alison tells herself to count to ten, not to let the words affect her. The words aren't Spencer like. And surprisingly they cut deep. Alison's always prided herself on being a bitch, being able to knock people down, making people fear her. Now she's the one fearing everybody else.

"Maybe the experiences have changed me. The experiences that your sister put me through, helped put me through." Alison tells her quietly before exiting the car and slamming the door shut behind her. She's walking towards her house as fast as she can, at one point she kicks her heels off, picks them up and runs towards the house. Spencer slumps back in her seat, she doesn't want to go inside. She doesn't want to face her family. She takes her phone out of the pocket of her jeans and sends Toby a quick text that she's coming over.

* * *

"Hey? Is everything alright, I thought Alison was staying over?" Toby asks Spencer as he answers the door.

"Something happened." Spencer states quietly walking inside and sitting down on the couch, eyes glossed over.

"What happened?" Toby asks cautiously. She didn't tell her did she? Alison didn't tell her about their _"past"_. Did they even have a past? Best friends forever, broken promises and long forgotten friendships? A secret kiss or two? Old feelings never to be brought up again. His hearts beating fast, he won't put it past her and Spencer looks heartbroken and she's ignoring him, oh god, she knows.

"It meant nothing. Spencer, it was a long time ago that I was in love with her-" By this time Spencer's turned around, confusion written as clear as day on her face. Oh no, oh god, he's mad the stupidest mistake. She didn't even know.

"In love with who?" Spencer asks, he can tell when it dawns upon her. When her face changes, when the words 'oh god,' slip through her mouth, when she can't look at him in the face.

He shouldn't of said it. He shouldn't of jumped to conclusions this fast. He just didn't want to lose Spencer and it was totally possible that Alison had spilled the beans. Right

"You used to love Alison?" Spencer bursts out laughing, the whole idea is absurd to her. Of course he loved Alison, who didn't love Alison? _Everyone_ loved Alison but she suspected there was more behind it than some stupid school boy crush, a dream about dating the infamous Alison DiLaurentis.

"Do you want me to explain?" Toby asks. Spencer nods her head, of course she wants him to explain. Why wouldn't she want him to explain?

* * *

**A\N:** Sorry for the long Author's Note at the start and the long long long wait! And the cliffhanger. I couldn't write it right now and I wanted to publish this. I found it so hard to write this chapter but this took me what three hours? I sat down and finally wrote it! Yes. Also go follow **daaisybuchanan **on twitter. I post little snippets and updates sometimes, or just check it out time to time but a follow would be nice. I'll follow you back if you ask me to!


End file.
